Centre of the universe

Dear Mol

 “What if the sun stopped shining when you got up one morning?”

Upon coming to Australia, I began to miss my mother’s soothing voice, my dad’s reassurance and my sister’s laughter. I was indeed very lonely. This was when Daddy , you and Baby came along.

Being brought up innocently, I mistook the people I came across as my own family. How wrong was I!! I learnt it the very hard way!! I met a lot of wrong people when you came along. My feeling of inadequacy soared and I thought something was seriously wrong with me.

My dear Mol, there was nothing wrong with me, this was an indication that time had come to re-examine myself. It was time for me to assess my self-worth and take radical steps to raise my self-esteem.                                                                                                                                                                                              

Mol at some stage in your life you will learn about the universe. The sun is the centre and the master of the universe. All the others simply revolve around it. Remember you are the supreme power in your life. This is a lesson I learnt late in life and have been actively practicing the following to keep me sane!!

1. Competing with yourself is the hardest and most fulfilling. Winning ===radical improvement in life.
2. Find time daily to do the things which unwinds you. It could be reading , smelling a flower to trying something new.
3. Finish up the chores which least motivates you in the early part of the day. This means you have rest of the day to enjoy!!
4. You don’t have to answer every question imposed on you by others. Some questions are the best unanswered.
5. Do not allow every Tom Dick and Harry to come into your private space. Turn them off gently. If they don’t get it, tell them off firmly.
6. Find time for your passions. Saying you don’t have time is just an excuse.
7. Keep a list of people whose character you admire. Replicating what you can, is a good beginning.
8. Forgive , but do not forget. It is a pain to mess with the same people for the same reasons.
9. Caring and protecting yourself is not selfishness, but being kind to yourself.
10.  For each aim you have succeeded, reward yourself. Rewards are not just for little children and people at work. Everyone needs motivation.
11.  Make peace with your past. The day you do that will mean you have removed a hard wall from your life and you have moved forward.
12. Brooding over your past and mistakes leads you nowhere. Mistake means it was an option which didn’t work well for the situation. After all experience is the best teacher!!
13. Keep a dedicated time for social media. Place your phone in the room farthest to you, when you are in bed.
14. Own a happy diary to jot down the events of your life that made it worth living. In your not very good days, this is the best booster which reminds of the great person you are!!! This great little book is a keeper.
15. Write everyday 5 sentences what you feel the luckiest about. The first should be, you woke up alive.

Mol, the richest and the luckiest man is that super soul who can fall asleep with a smiling face.

Love

 Mummy

Joy of small things

Dear Mol,

When I was in school, there was a concept “Thought of the week.” Little did I know, this will add a meaning to my life till Baby and you came along. Like everyone my childhood days are closely held to my heart, not because of the house I grew up in, but because of the people who touched my heart some way or the other. These are some of the moments I wish to share with you.

1. Playing hide and seek with Ammama who had Baby Sanju on the hip
2. Laughing aloud with Achacha, Ammama and Sanju in the lift when realized that we were there for a while, forgetting to press the button.
3. Jumping on the muddy puddles with Sanju on the road.
4. Sneaking up to the terrace with Sanjan to eat mangoes from the neighbour’s garden.
5. Waking up to hear Gee’s beautiful playing of the Veena on Sunday mornings
6. Enjoying Mootha Ammama’s shy face, when daddy placed a piece of fish into Mummy mouth during our dating days.

My dear Mol, life’s greatest moments don’t cost a dime, but is worth a million dollars. We always feel childhood is a period we wish to go back to.

I have begun to change that concept. Sometimes due to changing priorities like marriage and career, the things we enjoyed take a backseat. You have taught me it is possible to awaken the child in me. Child is indeed the mother of mankind.

I love the adrenaline pumping away when:

1. Swinging in the park with you, the wind breathing on my face and laughing uncontrollably.
2. Singing at the top of my not very gifted voice while having you and baby mesmerised.
3. Having a running race with you to see who reaches the shady tree first
4. Playing, where you are the mummy while daddy and I am your babies.
5. Hiding under the sheets with you when daddy comes back from work to scream ‘BOWWOW’
6. Waiting to hear you squeal, when we take you for your surprise party in the park.
7. Swimming in a lake with you, without knowing its depth.

I have learned that children are indeed bundles of joy. They are only there for a very short period of your life until they move from the nest to start their lives. Enjoy them when they are with you. Nothing last forever.

Every moment in life is like a train stopping at the station. It is only there for a moment before it moves on.

Dear Mol, thank you a million times for enriching me with the beautiful moments you shower upon me.

Love

Mummy

PS: Many thanks to our inhouse photographer Deeps for allowing me to use her UK pictures

A letter to my daughter which I wish her to read some day

 

Dear Mol

This is  a letter I wish to read to you at some stage for the choices I took for you.

Parenting is an  evolving process. Its priorities are always changing although the botton line is the same –happiness. When your grandma was raised, the main aim was her to be a good wife. Education took a backseat. When I was raised, grandma prepared me to become a good wife besides giving me an exceptional education. My parents were courageous to send me to Australia unmarried. They let me go to explore the world on my own…How I was in for a few surprises in the real world!!!

When you came into my life, as a mum, I decided that I am going to embed you the skill set to face the world with courage and pluck, besides educating you ….

From my life events and the people I have admired , this is what I wish to tell you.

1. Be blissful of your body. You own it. No one has the right to take that away
2. Be wary of strangers. The world has a good mix of nice and not nice people.
3. Wherever you go, there will be a ‘someone’ to mess your day. Let them screw theirs and not yours.
4. Look after yourself. People will feel a moment’s sympathy but not your pain.
5.  Happiness comes in small and big packets. You, daddy and baby were them!!!!
6. If you are happy with yourself, you have learnt the greatest trick of the trade.
7. Learn to say no. Saying yes to everything burns you out eventually.
8. Keep promises which you are sure fulfill. This is less distressful and more peaceful.
9.  Honesty is still valued. We want you to tell us the good and the not very good events of your life.
10. Food on the table did not appear out of the blue. Someone actually took the car out, shopped, cleaned and cooked it for you.
11. Like you, mummy and daddy also get tired. We also slow down.
12. Helping out gets the boat going. Proactiveness is appreciated everywhere.
13. We appreciate every good little things you do. That is what a pat in the back and compliments are for. We also like that in return!!!
14. The not very good things need corrections. We believe in second chances.
15. We hand you out rewards because we are happy with the choices you made. Likewise we painfully hand out penalties for the sad choices you took.
16. We discuss if something upsets you. We try to make such events less frequent and live life more fruitfully.
17. Mummy and daddy are not rich. We promise to keep you well fed, well-groomed and well educated. The rest of it will be considered seriously .
18. All members have equal gastronomical importance. Mummy may not be able to fulfil all your needs at once.. You will all have your turn, that includes daddy.
19. Education =====respect. Mummy will teach you something new everyday. It could range from swimming to photosynthesis to baking cookies... Self-sufficiency and ability to acquire new skills are looked in any role you wish to take up in future.
20. Nature is beautiful. Enjoy the fresh air, birds singing and flowers blooming. It has a happy effect.
21. Take each experience as a learning curve. Try something new. Every day is a self-discovery day. You are still not aware of all your capabilities.
22. Mummy and daddy also make mistakes not because we did it on purpose. But because we were born as parents the day you were born to us. We are learning too!! Forgive us!!
23. We are an old fashioned family. We love the magic words "thank you, sorry and please". Thank you means you acknowledge, Sorry means repent and Please means humbleness.
24. Let creativity and imagination fill your life. Mummy enjoys going into the magical world of Elsa and Anna, Cinderella and handsome prince and of course Care bears with you....You bring out the child in me.
25. Finally no one loves you more than your family. Mummy and daddy does everything for you not because it is our duty, but because we simply love you!!

Dance in the rain
Taste the raindrops

Sing whilst you bathe

Paint away

Say stories in your magical voice
Fill everywhere with peals of your laughter

I adore you my baby like there is no tomorrow

Make every moment a dream come true

Happiness is contagious,

Spread it like wild Fire

Love

Mummy

Getting Emotional

I am sure like me, many of you lose your cool on and off. Initially I used to brush it off saying I belong to the fiery category of Aries. So have the right to be hot-headed , short tempered …. ( For those of you who are not astrology crazy like me, Aries is the Sun sign of the people who are born between March 20 to April 20 and have a fiery independent character).

At one stage, I began to feel this emotion is becoming the master of my life .I was not enjoying the fast adrenaline pumping, the distress of my loved ones, the after tears, remorse…list goes on.

I have come to terms with this issue. A movie recently struck chords with me. If you realize you have a disorder such as diabetes, you come to terms with it.  You make lifestyle changes and just MOVE ON.

Anger according to Cambridge dictionary is defined strong feeling that makes you want to hurt someone because of something unfair or unkind that has happened. 

Some of the strategies that I have researched and trying to incorporate in my lifestyle as much as I can are:

1. Upon the onset of challenging situations, I try to move away from the situation. If time permits, watch it. 
2. If you access to drinking water, have a glass. I learnt this technique from Ammu’s childcare. For some reason, it cools you down.
3. Critically analyse the situation once you are in your better senses. What was the triggering factor? Are you co-responsible? What can you do it to prevent the next time?
4. Remember, for all what happens around you, accept you are NOT RESPONSIBLE.
5. Seeking help is not a crime, infact is a sign of maturity and courage!!!Talk to friends or elders who are generally calmer than you. A bit of worldy wisdom never hurts :)…
6. Say Sorry to the hurt party. Age is no bar here. This induces better relations with your loved ones. 
7. Yelling leads to nowhere. I adore this
8. Check your bloods. Vit D and Iron levels play with moods.
9. Teaching your loved ones that “Avoid me when I am in my moods” can prevent calamities to a big extend. Truly tried and tested!!!
10. Stop expectations from others. Unfulfilled expectation and promises from others spikes resentment. I have learnt this the hard way over the years.
11. Reacting to every unfair moment leads you to nowhere. I love this thought. It has worked all the time for me.  
    

Ending this with a lighter note….

If you  have strategies which have been working  for you please share with me. I would love to hear from you.

You cannot choose the situation, but you can definately choose your reaction.

Love Chad

Being me..Loving me..Respecting me

Being me..Loving me..Respecting me

                I love a story. A background history to kick-start a topic.

Giving up work. Having Ammu. Looking after Ammu….I felt the world was coming to a close and I felt I was not “worthy”. I felt a thousand negative feelings engulfing me. I thought going back to work will take away those negativities,

RESULT: NOT REALLY

This was nothing to do with circumstances or proving to the people around I was something. It was to do with me. It took 32 years, some months and several days to understand that the value, the respect and most importantly the love I had put aside for myself.

The day I started giving me importance was the day I felt I was seeing the world with less streaky lens.

Many a time, I hear men and women cribbing “stay at home moms” are a waste of space and money.

This was a beautiful article which changed my life and outlook as a SAHM.

These strategies have been working well in increasing my self-worth and self-respect.

1.     Stop comparing your life with others. Facebook is a good culprit here. You don’t know what they have in their plate,
2.     Read…read…read. There are some great blogs which focus on self-worth, self-respect and staying sane. This is like my morning cuppa. A few minutes of reading these peps you up to take life challenges with grace and poise.
3.       Being a perfectionist leads you to nowhere. It just burns you out at one stage.
4.       Being good enough is great enough. A happy mom=happy husband== happy family.
5.       Set aside me time for 20 minutes a day. It rejuvenates your patience levels and day to a new level.
6.       A great set circle of friends after marriage is a great source of sanity. Reconnect with your childhood friends if you haven’t. This is what whatsapp and skype calls were designed for….
7.   Say goodbye to negative people. Save their numbers and don’t pick up those calls.
8.    The Buddha thought is handy for difficult situations…”This will pass. This is not forever”
9.    Lastly tell yourself several time a day “ I love myself. I respect myself”

Love Chad

To accept or not

A Monday afternoon conversation in the office kitchen in a reputed uni back in 2012 that started casually:

Lady: “How was your weekend?”

Me:” No Good”

Lady: “Why?”

Me: “Daughter had an asthma attack.”

Lady:” So who is looking after her today?”

Naïve Me again:” My husband is looking after her today”.

Lady:” So you are not even capable of managing your own child” and simply walks away.

I was flabbergasted and stuck to the ground. Emotions began to flood in a while. The rest of the day became hazy and I was totally unaware of what was going around. I went home to cry shamelessly in front of my husband and poured everything to him. He comforted the hysterical me but reminded me gently “She has ruined your day for sure, let her not ruin your capabilities.”

Life back then was throw balling challenges at a fast rate then in the form of uni, work, exams, unexpected illnesses and trips to India. At one stage it started to get frightening and overwhelming.

 We then decided to invest in something for our long term happiness. We took the first step by going for Reiki healing sessions. The initial few hours were about why we were both sitting in that room. The wise teacher finally spoke “No two days of our life are mirror images. Each day of our life throws us challenges; sometimes big, sometimes small. They can be in the form of people and incidents. Happiness and sadness are just emotions that come along with them. Take it, accept it and finally FORGET it. Treat the outcome of each challenge as a lesson, learn from it and move on. They are only here to make you stronger.” Remember it is easier to blow out a candle in the wind than to set it alight.

Speaking of people, have you ever noticed the difference between happy people and sensitive people? Life gives its fair share of challenges to both people. It is really the attitude which is different.

 Happy people simply see through nasty people, accept that this is the best that you can get off them and move on. They are like ducks. Why ducks of all animals? Why not a tiger or a lion or an eagle?

Pour water on the duck’s back. Not a drop of water is absorbed. All is washed away.

Sensitive people like me on the other hand have an elephant’s memory. All the events are stored in a chronological order, scrutinised and don’t enjoy life’s best moments to the fullest.

I always try to remember the golden words “Life is indeed a gold mine”. In the mine, precious gold is found embedded in dirt. Pick up the gold and leave the dirt behind. In our school days, we have all learnt the concept of gravity. Gravity is a force whose hobby is to pull everything down. Similarly in life, there are more people to pull you down or to scrape away at least a little peace in you. You can never make the world perfect, but definitely you can rewire your attitude.

I end this post with the beautiful serenity prayer that stuck some chord somewhere within me.

                                                            
God grant me the                                         serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can

  and wisdom to know the difference.

PS:
Dearest  people,
A lot of you were kind  enough  to write  comments. Some  of you  were unsuccessful  but were perseverant to try till the comment got published.
We looked into it and found that the easiest  way  around  this  is to sign up to blogger.com using your Gmail  account.  After which add bubandgrub.blogspot.com.au to your reading  list and it is easy to  comment. Please note the whole process takes just less than a minute.

Thanks much again

Lines of Communication- Positive Affirmation

Rewind to that chilly August 2006 winter night in Melbourne

 Anu and I were newly married and officially unemployed. Anu was busy preparing for his upcoming medical exams while I was doing a casual evening job in the city, besides completing my Masters. After work, I was rushing to catch the 9:30pm tram to our house. In that frantic rush, I lost my balance and went crashing on to the ground. Dazed and still there, I could feel people watching me, but no one came around. Finally someone picked me up and placed me in the tram. When I got home, my jeans was drenched in blood and Anu cleaned me up. I thought Anu would be angry for my clumsiness, but he surprised me the following night. The following  night , at the end of my shift, Anu and his books were patiently waiting outside my workplace  and that became a ritual.  Although the financial side was dim, we were content with each other. When he got his first job as a doctor, I was ecstatic and rang up mum. I informed her that we were moving from our humble studio to better premises with better facilities. This is when she gave me a piece of worldly wisdom “As the house get larger, so does the distance between the hearts”.

Life went predictably well until bub arrived in 2009 along with the big recession. Anu went into a stringent specialist training program while I was again officially out of work  with a bub this time.Stresses were high, expectations from each other soared, fights were intense and regular and tongues got sharper. Our relation saw new lows. I was truly overwhelmed with my new duties and my dreams took a backseat.

With Anu’s encouragement, I went on to do a research degree. But the scene in the home front hadn’t improved much. Chasing the research life made me realize, it was high time for damage control. Everything was everywhere.

Having a sharp memory of an elephant, I began to recollect our good old honeymoon days in Singapore. We met a Mexican couple married for 40 years. They fondly told us “Marriage is an institution where you have to put in a 100% every day , a couple of percentages down, it immediately goes in a different direction” Quite often with the arrival of bubs and changes in work priorities, marriage starts to become challenging. To fall in love is the easiest, to continue to be in love is the hardest.

Our in-house Juliet with longest and contented marriage aka my 85+ aged grandmother once told me “With love and respect that is so strong, nothing becomes impossible. Follow the 3As Accept, Appreciate and Apologize, there is a greater reason to smile in life”.

A simple and sincere thank you goes a long way when the other half does something for you. Becoming parents, we often deem ourselves to be the world's best advice machines on every matter under the roof. Actions speak louder than words. The way we conduct with each other often becomes a source of inspiration and imitation for our children rather than being a preaching box.

Loving Science as a student, I tend to compare life with chemistry. Iron and Carbon on their own are easily breakable. But combined together the right way, the resultant is an unbreakable metal called steel. Which reminds me of a standing joke between Anu and I. Sometimes I go and ask Anu for a favour, he retorts back jokingly “Do you need my help for everything?” To which I reply “If I could do everything myself, I would still be a single :) “

As someone once romantic said, “Walk alone, you can walk quickly; walk together, you can walk further.

Open Communication 1

In my previous posts, I mentioned that I was chasing irrelevant things whilst ignoring baby’s years. Having said this, guilt plagued me to the core as I was working full time in a role I hated to the core. So to pacify myself, I used to bake exotic cakes weekly, do regular themed parties and shower her with expensive gifts. I was in denial of the void that existed in our lives.

Once in our nightly ritual chats with my dearest husband, I was trying to justify myself, “How many a mother actually do the above mentioned stuff despite working full time?” To which my paediatrician husband quietly replied “It doesn’t really matter what you do for the child, but having an open relation with the child nullifies everything you couldn’t do with her”. Although I completely didn’t understand what he meant, years later this line changed our lives forever.

We often come across some sweet people with certain qualities that embed into our heart straight away. We brush it off by believing it is the natural character and nothing else. As rightly pointed out by my close cousins, character is 5 % inherent and 95% parenting. It is always the actions of today that build a better tomorrow. Having said that the first vow I took was to make up for the lost time between my child and me. I was one of those crazy parents who wanted my children to be my best friends. I knew it was going to be hard work and lots of damage control.

The first discovery I made was, each time she did something positive, kneel down to her level, look into her eyes, just tell her you appreciate the act and thank her. 99.9% of the time you will notice a shine in their eye. A simple act I started with her was each time we did something together, I went up to her and told her it just made my day to spend those precious moments with her.

 Years later when I got pregnant with bub 2, I was not worth a dime due to severe morning sickness, ongoing complication, frequent hospital admissions and unescapable confinement to bed. Prior to this, I had prepped her to the constraints and unavoidable lifestyle changes that were bound to happen.  As there were no surprises, she took everything gracefully.

On one of our recent picnics during one of those days when I was able to lift myself out of the bed, off we went with a 10 day old fish curry, a week old rice and yogurt. We managed to have some good time in our own way. Upon returning, she came and told me in her tiny voice,” Mummy I actually enjoyed every minute with you and would have it no other way.”  I then thought of what my better half told me ages ago. Bless him!!

Chad

Harmful or Helpful?

Peering into today's world, empathy and kindness are fast disappearing traits.

Seeing this post in Facebook, depresses me.

I am not trying to sound as a feminist here but reality is that, this is highly toxic. In yesteryears and in today’s world to some extent, the most desired quality for a wife is to be the “sacrificial scapegoat”.

I have known many a woman when are sick to the core, hide from their loved ones and continue to perform the wife and mother’s “Expected statement of duties” with a smile cringing with pain inside. The rest of the family members label her as a “superhuman”, “backbone of the family” and take her for granted over time as well as become more than ever dependent over her. But how long does this actually last? It may be possible in a case of flu but not for cancer.

Girls, take rest and look after yourselves first. You are saving your families from a greater risk. Isn’t it that is exactly told to you by the airs hostess before flight take-off? In case of an emergency attend to yourself first and then the others. If you are falling sick, just say you are and hand over the inevitable home duties to others. It is not possible to live a fairy tale all the time.

Forgive me for being cynical. This phase is great for other members of the family as well. It is a reality check where other members are being equipped to face emergency situations with pluck, courage and most importantly empathy and consideration. In effect you are increasing the skill set of your loved ones.

People, as we join new work/team, we are issued with a statement of duties. What makes the team efficient and productive? It is when the team members cheerfully help out each other at the time of crisis and steer the boat smoothly during rough weather.

Isn’t family the same in reality?

Shoot me your thoughts.

Love Chad

To know the good sometimes you need to experience the bad

For many of us, life has been a smooth journey upto a certain point without any humps and bumps. People like me started to take life for granted.

Ever since my graduation, I wanted to pursue PhD only to get a 'Doctor' in front of name. My Family was very supportive as I proved to be outstanding in my post graduate degree in Oz. I pushed myself beyond limits and achieved results I always dreamt of. But this was before she arrived into our little world. She being an adjusting bub gave me the wrong impression life was always predictable and doable as before.

I considered myself the luckiest upon being selected into the nation's most prestigious research group which was internationally acclaimed for its "Results" and extraordinary people. But I failed to realize I was doing two full time jobs with limited support- One as a Baby's mother and other as a researcher. Like the others I became "result driven" and didn’t enjoy the baby's growing years. In the mean time I was subjected to office bullying and began to detest everyone in general. My sole aim was to start afresh again. I became bitter and blamed everyone for everything.

Again to know the beauty of light, I learnt the miseries of dark. After a couple of gruelling months, I saw light. To move life in a positive way, count on your blessings and not your follies. Never compare your life with others as you are witnessing only a small spectrum of their life. Sometimes some things may be right in front of you that you overlook them. Live amidst people who appreciate you than chasing dreams and people that no longer mean a damn. Small moments indeed draw the big picture. Let go of the negative elements in your life. It is always the happy memories that count in your older years.
Plan it!! Create it!!And most of all enjoy it!!!

The present is indeed a present. Take it and treat it that way!!

Being wary of the past makes you bitter, It is like driving a car looking at the rear mirror only.

 Worrying about the future only makes you anxious. It is like driving the car looking at the GPS.

But driving the car and enjoying nature's beauty is enjoying the beautiful PRESENT.

Face Value

As many an immigrant, when I landed on the shores of Ozzie land, a wave of emotions swept past me upon seeing pretty displays in the shops. I was always thrilled when I struck upon a good bargain. Until once I saw a dress at a reduced price. Immediately I wanted to own it and rushed to the store to buy it. The following week,  as I was strolling past the same shop, to my utter amazement, the dress was reduced to half the price of the previous week...This was when I realized face value of anything was different in reality.


When I lived with my parents , everything was rosy and people actually meant what they said...When I moved out,I began to realize that actual words and promises were limited to  my parents house. When elections come, we hear politicians giving away a lot of free promises which we discard on the spot. We don't brood about it as all their actions are expected. We are only flabbergasted when they actually do something which was promised...

At this instance I would like to share an incident with you. One day one of my neighbours called me to let me know she was starting a biryani catering venture and wanted me to spread the word. As my daughters birthday came closer, I called her to ask whether she was still running the business. So I requested her to give me the price quote and she told me she would get back to me. That was the last time I heard from her....

This was when I remembered the famous story running in our family for generations. It was called the 'lunch at the neighbours house'.

A father in his deathbed told his son " There is a lunch waiting for you next door. Never lose it". The son took the father's wish to heart. The next time the neighbour saw him , he was offered lunch. Without giving a moment's thought, the son went and had lunch. Ever since the neighbour never invited him for lunch.

Recently the same neighbour saw mom and me strolling around. She immediately invited us for lunch and mom smiled at me knowingly:)

Renewing relations

Its been a really long time since I did blogging. One of the many reasons was that too many things were happening. It is not wrong to say I was overwhelmed and did face a writers block. Until a  friend gently nudged the other day which was when I realised I was absent for a considerable period.

2013 has been a year with a lot of incidents....some good and some bad. But in a way after practicing Reiki, I learnt a lesson from each event.

Relations never die. They either become good or bad or come to a hiatus over the years. In fact making a friend is easy. Renewing them is the effort making part.  Earlier this year I visited UK for an International Conference. I met my dearest classmate after 13 years. As soon as she heard I was on my way, she extended her warm hospitality. I was apprehensive upon the prospect of staying with her..but as soon as we saw each other it was like we had parted for 13 months...What a great feeling!! I would definitely classify it as those memorable life instances. In fact I always get the same feeling when I'm in India visiting people.  I love and enjoy being with people who make me happy.

At this point I would like us to think about our teachers. I am pretty sure that all of you must have had a favourite teacher or tuition teacher.  They say a teachers profession is one of the most fulfilling profession. Not really... In the event of imparting knowledge, it is true . But when it comes to a later life when all students are gone, it is a different story. As a teacher myself and from other teachers, it is a sad note to point that many an ex student turn their face away when they encounter the teacher on the road. When I visit my favourite teachers in India, all say the same. Everyone has forgotten them. Dear friends, next time you are in your home town, try to visit at least one teacher...

At this instance I would like to share a nasty prank some students played on our teacher. On teachers day 2013, one of my school mates posted a statement on Facebook that a popular language teacher passed away. I felt sad at the loss of the teacher. Later this year when I was in India I visited one of my favourite teacher S. Over our yearly ritual lunch I expressed my sorrow about the demised teacher.
There was a surprised silence and then she started laughing...Why so? The so called demised teacher visited her home two weeks ago!!! Imagine that poor teachers reaction as she was in FB and people are posting a RIP comment!!

 

Made in heaven …really?

Let me start with an incident from those difficult teenage years… I think I was in my seventh semester in Engineering.  One of dad’s professors had come to visit. While saying goodbye to grandma, it struck him that I was reaching a marriageable age and that he had someone in mind.  Upon hearing this quick proposal, I huffed and fumed and went in banging the door….

For me marriage meant being locked in the four corners of the wall, being a home nurse to your in laws, a maid to do all the housework, a carrier of babies and teary life in general….A sneak peak into our society and too much of watching the Malayalam soaps with Grandma…I simply hated the concept of marriage and did not want to leave my parents’ home too…

But somewhere deep inside I always yearned to have a life that my grandparents led. They bypassed all the traditional rules to have a successful married life and enjoyed the most beautiful moments ever. Grandma, born in 1929 in Iran was raised in a modern urban family where women were empowered, educated and allowed to think for themselves. She graduated from a co-ed university with a bachelor in Maths.

Grandad on the other hand was born into an agricultural family where education had no importance. In fact there were no basic facilities in his house like electricity, gas or even a toilet. Women in his area had to relieve themselves in the fields before sunrise or sunset. They were not allowed to eat in the dining table with the men rather, eat after them on the floor in the kitchen. Grandad was a great student in school, who graduated from high school with the highest mark. But his family could not afford his education and expected him to join the family occupation. Grandad had other plans and soon set out to Persia where he met his future father in law and the rest was history..

The wedding between Granddad and Grandma was seen with pure speculation. There were no similarities between them. My city bred grandma was in for a lot of surprises as she was given an idea about the set up at grandpa’s home. My grandpa foresaw the situation and built the first bath attached toilet for grandma in that village which actually won her heart. He did not force her to live there till he took her to the Gulf.

 They shared a beautiful ritual together .Every Friday, it was a holiday in the gulf. In the mornings, Grandpa would go to the Friday meat market for a leg of the lamb. He brought it home , and boned and cut it for his favourite mutton varattiyathu. She cooked it and then he took her for a Hindi picture that evening in the thirty years they lived there despite the fact he hated movies and she loved movies. My grandpa was a lover of good life, food and enjoyment. They were together every single day of their married life. She cooked her heart out and he ate it with love and delight. Grandma loved him so much she used to tell me that its better Grandpa leaves first as she would be able to adjust he won’t….That’s love….

The day he left this world, for the funeral traditionally, the body is kept on the floor. She couldn’t bear him in that situation. She had their bed moved into the living room and had him placed there. She was in the sofa; hugging him…It was one of those moments of loss …and pure realizations…

Marriages are indeed made in heaven….Marriage is a union of two different human beings that come close together for love. Compassion, respect and care and babies are pure synonyms …When there is love, all the difficulties in life are diffused. Love bypasses it all. Love becomes so strong that you want see more of that and then the babies come along. Genuine respect for each other is a sign of love. Their education and familial differences were not a reason for their love. They were the biggest support for each other in the real times of distress. When there is love, all the sickness is cared with love and nothing becomes a difficulty. All the distresses vanishes when the support comes from the person you and loves blooms in a way you couldn’t imagineJ

dearest achacha, ammama and me on my naming ceremony

In fact my grandma still holds him close to her heart. On one of my visits to India, I asked her whether I could have a look at her recipe book in which she compiled grandpa's favourite recipes. She went  to her little safe and fished out the book for me. I browsed for a while and casually kept the book aside hoping she would offer it to me. After a while she says “if you have finished it, let me keep it back in my safe “despite the fact she has not cooked in years…Cheeky AmmamaJ

Living in the present

Of recent , many loved ones have been leaving us behind embracing eternity. My Grandmother's sister Saraswathi Ammama passed away yesterday. Ammama was  always the different from her siblings from the time she entered the earthly world. Unlike her siblings born in Iran, she was the only one born in India in 1930. She excelled in studies being the first of her school in both year 10 and 12. Her fervent patriotism made her take part in the freedom struggle march despite our great grandmother's disapproval. Our great grand dad , bless him believed the empowerment in women allowing her to pursue her dream to study. Ammama was the only one in her entire generation to complete a postgraduate degree in Sanskrit, economics and Law from the prestigious Benares Hindu University.  Her philanthropic nature was the reason for choosing a teacher's path rather than the legal path.  Ammama always saw the goodness in people. She had a powerful aura around her.
Ammama was a wealth of knowledge. She was our encyclopedia of stories. I cant even remeber even one time where she refused to tell us stories however tired she was. My cousins and I loved to have friendly debates with her regarding the mythical charecters of Mahabharata and Ramayana. Let me share  one such incident.
In my childhood , I always thought Lord Rama's step mother Kaikeyi was a wicked lady and was the root cause of all the trouble  Rama faced. But according to Ammama, Kaikeyi was a good lady and was made to become jealous of Rama so that he goes off to Lanka to kill the evil king Ravana...All happened for a cause was Ammama's reasoning.I was the only grandchild who was fortunate to hear her beautiful stories when I was pregnant..
Health was never one of her strong points.  Ammama  opted not to marry as she felt she could not do justice to her partner due to her erratic health.Ammama , I'm told has scared everyone quite a number of times.  Two years ago Ammama encountered a disaster similar to our veteran actor Sukumari. Ammama was in deep prayer when her sari caught on fire. She endured pain which cannot be explained in anyway. She recovered...As always when I am in India, I make sure I spend time with her. Eight months ago when I visited last, we were the last to sit down and have a meal with her , few hours after which she had a stroke and went into a coma...It was so painful for her and others around her,....She breathed her last yesterday. Ammama lived to the true meaning of her name Saraswathi- Goddess of Knowledge, Rest in Peace.......

Death is a painful situation. Rather than grieving about it , it is so vital that we enjoy people when they are around.The ability to live in the present is a gift.....I am still learning that... I was a person who lived in the past, caring the least about the present and anxious of the future...What good does that do other than brooding and worrying.  Being  mom to Ammu made me look back at my attitude.  When she came into our life, we were always anxious about the next stage....Currently we were going though the stage where she totally admire us...Enjoy to the fullest has become our motto...

Life is like a game. It throws us balls of opportunities to tap our potentials and joys in the forms of people and moments...Grab it, enjoy it and cherish it when it is in your court....

Love
Chad

connections

Death is an event which evokes a sea of emotions. Dear Granddad passed away yesterday.My heart ached for my Grandma who broke down over the phone confiding she lost her playmate for life, whom she squabbled with, scolded, cared for and most of the all lover of all her cooking. Everyone used to feel dear Grandma was strange ..even at the age of 77 she used to watch the afternoon cookery show and cook the same dish for
Grandpa every evening...When my dear better half witnessed this daily ritual, he was so impressed...He simply said it was the sheer love for each other,..her love for cooking her heart out and his adoring way of eating that....

Granddad, Dad, Mom, Grandma,Great Grandma and me on my 56th day

 Although I felt I was not close to them  or the best at keeping contact as I was to my paternal grandparents, I felt a deep sense of loss...One of the nicest memories of good food was always from Grandma's home. Mom always teased me" Even though Chad does not remember what she was doing 15 minutes back, she remembers food , its taste,looks and where she had it from the day she was born....I can confirm she has hit the nail on the head....Let me share my lovely memories with Grandma.. A good 27 years ago, like grandma I hated the late afternoon siestas... Grandma was making Kerala mixture with our maid Omana in the backyard. She was making the noodles with the traditional Noodle maker. I still remember the taste...and then later on adding the lovely seasoning to make the final scrumptious snack...

Years later, I used to feel nostalgic  and wanted to recreate the beautiful dishes which enticed my taste buds...I gathered the recipes and started recreating the smells and tastes which were a part of my grandparents home to delight my baby and Anu...For me ,it was more of a reconnection of the past, the continuation of tradition ....Although we had seldom telephone conversations, the  food she made for me and my earnest attempts to create the same for my baby had kept the relation everlasting...

Dearest friends, many of you must encountered the painful parting of a loved one. Many of us must have wished it would have been great if our children could meet them before they died...There were countless times I wished Anu and Ammu  knew my paternal granddad who left us 20 years ago...But recreating the traditions  and rituals have made them feel he is still with us....It is these traditions which connects our ancestors with our descendants...Festivals, events and food are a witness to this...What do you say?

Love Chad