Renewing relations

Its been a really long time since I did blogging. One of the many reasons was that too many things were happening. It is not wrong to say I was overwhelmed and did face a writers block. Until a  friend gently nudged the other day which was when I realised I was absent for a considerable period.

2013 has been a year with a lot of incidents....some good and some bad. But in a way after practicing Reiki, I learnt a lesson from each event.

Relations never die. They either become good or bad or come to a hiatus over the years. In fact making a friend is easy. Renewing them is the effort making part.  Earlier this year I visited UK for an International Conference. I met my dearest classmate after 13 years. As soon as she heard I was on my way, she extended her warm hospitality. I was apprehensive upon the prospect of staying with her..but as soon as we saw each other it was like we had parted for 13 months...What a great feeling!! I would definitely classify it as those memorable life instances. In fact I always get the same feeling when I'm in India visiting people.  I love and enjoy being with people who make me happy.

At this point I would like us to think about our teachers. I am pretty sure that all of you must have had a favourite teacher or tuition teacher.  They say a teachers profession is one of the most fulfilling profession. Not really... In the event of imparting knowledge, it is true . But when it comes to a later life when all students are gone, it is a different story. As a teacher myself and from other teachers, it is a sad note to point that many an ex student turn their face away when they encounter the teacher on the road. When I visit my favourite teachers in India, all say the same. Everyone has forgotten them. Dear friends, next time you are in your home town, try to visit at least one teacher...

At this instance I would like to share a nasty prank some students played on our teacher. On teachers day 2013, one of my school mates posted a statement on Facebook that a popular language teacher passed away. I felt sad at the loss of the teacher. Later this year when I was in India I visited one of my favourite teacher S. Over our yearly ritual lunch I expressed my sorrow about the demised teacher.
There was a surprised silence and then she started laughing...Why so? The so called demised teacher visited her home two weeks ago!!! Imagine that poor teachers reaction as she was in FB and people are posting a RIP comment!!

 

Made in heaven …really?

Let me start with an incident from those difficult teenage years… I think I was in my seventh semester in Engineering.  One of dad’s professors had come to visit. While saying goodbye to grandma, it struck him that I was reaching a marriageable age and that he had someone in mind.  Upon hearing this quick proposal, I huffed and fumed and went in banging the door….

For me marriage meant being locked in the four corners of the wall, being a home nurse to your in laws, a maid to do all the housework, a carrier of babies and teary life in general….A sneak peak into our society and too much of watching the Malayalam soaps with Grandma…I simply hated the concept of marriage and did not want to leave my parents’ home too…

But somewhere deep inside I always yearned to have a life that my grandparents led. They bypassed all the traditional rules to have a successful married life and enjoyed the most beautiful moments ever. Grandma, born in 1929 in Iran was raised in a modern urban family where women were empowered, educated and allowed to think for themselves. She graduated from a co-ed university with a bachelor in Maths.

Grandad on the other hand was born into an agricultural family where education had no importance. In fact there were no basic facilities in his house like electricity, gas or even a toilet. Women in his area had to relieve themselves in the fields before sunrise or sunset. They were not allowed to eat in the dining table with the men rather, eat after them on the floor in the kitchen. Grandad was a great student in school, who graduated from high school with the highest mark. But his family could not afford his education and expected him to join the family occupation. Grandad had other plans and soon set out to Persia where he met his future father in law and the rest was history..

The wedding between Granddad and Grandma was seen with pure speculation. There were no similarities between them. My city bred grandma was in for a lot of surprises as she was given an idea about the set up at grandpa’s home. My grandpa foresaw the situation and built the first bath attached toilet for grandma in that village which actually won her heart. He did not force her to live there till he took her to the Gulf.

 They shared a beautiful ritual together .Every Friday, it was a holiday in the gulf. In the mornings, Grandpa would go to the Friday meat market for a leg of the lamb. He brought it home , and boned and cut it for his favourite mutton varattiyathu. She cooked it and then he took her for a Hindi picture that evening in the thirty years they lived there despite the fact he hated movies and she loved movies. My grandpa was a lover of good life, food and enjoyment. They were together every single day of their married life. She cooked her heart out and he ate it with love and delight. Grandma loved him so much she used to tell me that its better Grandpa leaves first as she would be able to adjust he won’t….That’s love….

The day he left this world, for the funeral traditionally, the body is kept on the floor. She couldn’t bear him in that situation. She had their bed moved into the living room and had him placed there. She was in the sofa; hugging him…It was one of those moments of loss …and pure realizations…

Marriages are indeed made in heaven….Marriage is a union of two different human beings that come close together for love. Compassion, respect and care and babies are pure synonyms …When there is love, all the difficulties in life are diffused. Love bypasses it all. Love becomes so strong that you want see more of that and then the babies come along. Genuine respect for each other is a sign of love. Their education and familial differences were not a reason for their love. They were the biggest support for each other in the real times of distress. When there is love, all the sickness is cared with love and nothing becomes a difficulty. All the distresses vanishes when the support comes from the person you and loves blooms in a way you couldn’t imagineJ

dearest achacha, ammama and me on my naming ceremony

In fact my grandma still holds him close to her heart. On one of my visits to India, I asked her whether I could have a look at her recipe book in which she compiled grandpa's favourite recipes. She went  to her little safe and fished out the book for me. I browsed for a while and casually kept the book aside hoping she would offer it to me. After a while she says “if you have finished it, let me keep it back in my safe “despite the fact she has not cooked in years…Cheeky AmmamaJ

Living in the present

Of recent , many loved ones have been leaving us behind embracing eternity. My Grandmother's sister Saraswathi Ammama passed away yesterday. Ammama was  always the different from her siblings from the time she entered the earthly world. Unlike her siblings born in Iran, she was the only one born in India in 1930. She excelled in studies being the first of her school in both year 10 and 12. Her fervent patriotism made her take part in the freedom struggle march despite our great grandmother's disapproval. Our great grand dad , bless him believed the empowerment in women allowing her to pursue her dream to study. Ammama was the only one in her entire generation to complete a postgraduate degree in Sanskrit, economics and Law from the prestigious Benares Hindu University.  Her philanthropic nature was the reason for choosing a teacher's path rather than the legal path.  Ammama always saw the goodness in people. She had a powerful aura around her.
Ammama was a wealth of knowledge. She was our encyclopedia of stories. I cant even remeber even one time where she refused to tell us stories however tired she was. My cousins and I loved to have friendly debates with her regarding the mythical charecters of Mahabharata and Ramayana. Let me share  one such incident.
In my childhood , I always thought Lord Rama's step mother Kaikeyi was a wicked lady and was the root cause of all the trouble  Rama faced. But according to Ammama, Kaikeyi was a good lady and was made to become jealous of Rama so that he goes off to Lanka to kill the evil king Ravana...All happened for a cause was Ammama's reasoning.I was the only grandchild who was fortunate to hear her beautiful stories when I was pregnant..
Health was never one of her strong points.  Ammama  opted not to marry as she felt she could not do justice to her partner due to her erratic health.Ammama , I'm told has scared everyone quite a number of times.  Two years ago Ammama encountered a disaster similar to our veteran actor Sukumari. Ammama was in deep prayer when her sari caught on fire. She endured pain which cannot be explained in anyway. She recovered...As always when I am in India, I make sure I spend time with her. Eight months ago when I visited last, we were the last to sit down and have a meal with her , few hours after which she had a stroke and went into a coma...It was so painful for her and others around her,....She breathed her last yesterday. Ammama lived to the true meaning of her name Saraswathi- Goddess of Knowledge, Rest in Peace.......

Death is a painful situation. Rather than grieving about it , it is so vital that we enjoy people when they are around.The ability to live in the present is a gift.....I am still learning that... I was a person who lived in the past, caring the least about the present and anxious of the future...What good does that do other than brooding and worrying.  Being  mom to Ammu made me look back at my attitude.  When she came into our life, we were always anxious about the next stage....Currently we were going though the stage where she totally admire us...Enjoy to the fullest has become our motto...

Life is like a game. It throws us balls of opportunities to tap our potentials and joys in the forms of people and moments...Grab it, enjoy it and cherish it when it is in your court....

Love
Chad

connections

Death is an event which evokes a sea of emotions. Dear Granddad passed away yesterday.My heart ached for my Grandma who broke down over the phone confiding she lost her playmate for life, whom she squabbled with, scolded, cared for and most of the all lover of all her cooking. Everyone used to feel dear Grandma was strange ..even at the age of 77 she used to watch the afternoon cookery show and cook the same dish for
Grandpa every evening...When my dear better half witnessed this daily ritual, he was so impressed...He simply said it was the sheer love for each other,..her love for cooking her heart out and his adoring way of eating that....

Granddad, Dad, Mom, Grandma,Great Grandma and me on my 56th day

 Although I felt I was not close to them  or the best at keeping contact as I was to my paternal grandparents, I felt a deep sense of loss...One of the nicest memories of good food was always from Grandma's home. Mom always teased me" Even though Chad does not remember what she was doing 15 minutes back, she remembers food , its taste,looks and where she had it from the day she was born....I can confirm she has hit the nail on the head....Let me share my lovely memories with Grandma.. A good 27 years ago, like grandma I hated the late afternoon siestas... Grandma was making Kerala mixture with our maid Omana in the backyard. She was making the noodles with the traditional Noodle maker. I still remember the taste...and then later on adding the lovely seasoning to make the final scrumptious snack...

Years later, I used to feel nostalgic  and wanted to recreate the beautiful dishes which enticed my taste buds...I gathered the recipes and started recreating the smells and tastes which were a part of my grandparents home to delight my baby and Anu...For me ,it was more of a reconnection of the past, the continuation of tradition ....Although we had seldom telephone conversations, the  food she made for me and my earnest attempts to create the same for my baby had kept the relation everlasting...

Dearest friends, many of you must encountered the painful parting of a loved one. Many of us must have wished it would have been great if our children could meet them before they died...There were countless times I wished Anu and Ammu  knew my paternal granddad who left us 20 years ago...But recreating the traditions  and rituals have made them feel he is still with us....It is these traditions which connects our ancestors with our descendants...Festivals, events and food are a witness to this...What do you say?

Love Chad

Dating the better half

In our carefree days, Anu and I were often bombarded with queries as ‘So when is the good news?’…..`When do we get to see Tiny Toes’..…Madi Enjoymentu.... Time to start family’…

On a rainy October morning, Ammu arrived. She changed our focus in life. We were now known as Ammu’s Dad and Mom rather than Anu and Chandni. Like every parent, we started having no time at all.

This is when I would like to share an interesting experience with you.. We were frequent visitors to a family in Sydney. There were three absolute gorgeous children and the parents were one of the most dedicated and loving parents ever. We often pondered upon the thought ‘what would it be like after having more children..Would we even have time to sneak a glance at each other? Not very exciting thoughts :(

During one visit, the father of the three children put in this unusual question to Anu “When was the last time you took her out?”

Anu Replied “Every week “

He rephrased the question “When was the last time you went out as a couple?”

Anu had no answer.

Upon Ammu’s arrival our relation had changed overnight.  The routine each day was just feeding, changing nappies, bathing, putting her to bed and taking her to childcare besides work. Our temperaments were challenged. We began to squabble with each other on the silliest matters. In fact we were being a little impatient with the Bub as well. This was not doing any good as a parent and as an individual.

Anu suggested that he will take me out on a ‘date’ one weekday afternoon. We both took a day off and dropped bubby at the day-care early. He took me out to the movies and a great restaurant in the harbour soon after…It was just great and in fact so rejuvenating…. We took a resolution that we would be dating each other once every month from now on…

Dear Friends, although we feel we have accustomed to being parents, somewhere deep inside many of us wish to spend a little time alone with our better halves….This becomes a turning point in your life especially when you are the sole carer with no support at all…It is a great reminder why you are together in first place and was one of the reasons why you created a whole new world of babies…It makes parenthood all the more endearing and enchanting….

Shoot me your thoughts…

Love

Chad

Presentation

[1]

Going back to the nostalgic days of birthdays, have you wondered what was it that made it simply  endearing, appealing and simply memorable? Wasn't it wearing the new birthday dress, cutting your favorite flavoured cake and most of all the day itself? What was it that made it so different? Is'nt the appearance or rather the presentation?

When we go back to our interview days,  one of the criteriera for the interview is the way we present ourselves... As we go up the career ladders, hallmarking our progress is again the way we  showcase our work...The way we dress becomes our personality...

Dear friends , this is not highlighting our careers, rather a realization I had when I became a parent to Little Miss Sunshine. Many of the ordinary things can be made extra ordinary only though presentaion. As many young growing families, finance was a constraint when we were on a single income. Our visits were more frequent to Aldi the discount grocery store than the premium store. But  the excitement the better half and I displayed instilled absolute thrill in her. As any toddler of her age, she had many a demand when we go shopping and I was not rather keen to end each visit in tears. So let me share one of the many deals I made with her... Little Miss sunshine was not very willing to go to her day care after her christmas break. She started complaing of a "fever in her stomach "and a "head ache in her Knees"...talk about being smart for her age...She only relented when we promised to take to Aldi once she finishes school and gets to buy what she wants...lols...

When little Miss Sunshine turned two, mealtimes were turning out to be battle times when there was a lot of tears, screaming and what not. Dear mom came to stay with us. She was distressed  witnessing the scenes which is when she advised us to be more calm and be a lot more enthusiastic. She calmly told us to pretend we were enjoying the best meal ever and simply ignore her.... Little Miss Sunshine was amazed at our change and calmly took her seat with us...I used Mom's techniques to attract her to the table... Presenting food in a restaurent style makes it appetizing for her....A simple dosa given in a thali plate with its condiments did wonders...Now she wants dosas only to eat in her steel plate.

Dear friends, do not feel bad if you cant give your baby a dj themed bithday party at a fine dining hotel or buy her the expensive gift you would have ideally wanted....It is your enthusiasm and sincerity you put in.... A lot of your baby's reactions are a reflection of yours... If you are genuinely happy , your baby will be...
It is your attitude which is seen in your baby's too....Letting your children know the pains you have taken is vital.....Especially in this world where everything is taken for granted way too easily.....

After all , " Attitude is a little thing that makes a big  difference - Winston Churchill".

 

Shoot me your thoughts....

Love
Chad

References

[1] http://www.123rf.com/photo_13430958_happy-baby-5-funny-cartoon-character-children-cover-book-design.html