The beauty of uncertainty – Part 2

Dear Mol,

There was once a great Physicist named Heisenberg. He formulated one of the greatest laws of Physics called the uncertainty principle. These were his words “It is impossible to predict both the position and velocity of a particle with absolute certainty at any given time”. Mol, let me put this statement in front you in life’s terms. Can you predict with absolute accuracy where you will be and what you will be doing in 10 years’ time? Or can you tell me the same in a weeks’ time?

No One knows….

Mol, at some stage in life, you might decide that you need more company and that is when beautiful little miniatures of You come along called children..

Once these tiny little creatures come along to test every skill that resides inside you, this is what I wish to remind you

1. The day your children are born,is  the day you as a parent is also born. This is the day you need to reassure yourself “If I could cruise through the uncertain world of marriage, then I can cruise through the uncertain world of parenting.
2. You will be bombarded with lots and lots of free advice and criticisms. This is when you will need to develop the art of turning on the deaf ear.
3. You will discover you are a boundless source of pure and blissful love. I need to admit that I was scared of having Baby. I was under an impression that once Baby arrives my love towards you will be halved and was plagued with guilt. But hell no, I only came to know I had so much of hidden love in me.
   
   
4. Teach your children gratitude. Make them understand that whatever you do is only out of love and not duty. All you need in return as a fee is gratitude. The day they learn is the day you have succeeded as a parent.
5. Practice self-compassion. Nature is funny. She will hand you out hard horrible days from time to time. You might make mistakes and feel regretful. It’s ok. You don’t have to beat yourself to a pulp. Console yourself and say kind words to your self as you might do to your best friend. Move on…
6. Every day is a new chance …a  new beginning. Start afresh leaving the past behind
7. Saying sorry to your babies is the greatest sign of courage when you are wrong. You won’t believe the respect you get in return.
8. Every child is beautiful in its own way. If you observe closely no two children of yours will be the same.
9. The first time you become a parent you will feel overwhelmed and will have the dire need to do everything perfectly coupled with a certain degree of anxiety. The subsequent times you will feel more experienced and confident. This reflects deeply on your children. The first one will be responsible and anxious while the last ones will be more confident and stress free.
10. Parenting is not a power struggle drama. But is a school where everyone is learning and constantly upskilling.
11. Have heart-warming conversations. Play role reversal games with kiddos regularly. You will get a good picture about how you carry yourself in front of them and discover alternate ways of dealing with issues.
12. Allow your children to be bored. Remember it is not your duty to fill up all their free time. Are you going to be around the rest of their lifetime doing that? You are in fact doing a favour of inculcating time management.
13. Involve your children in little day to day problems apt for their age. This is when they learn to live happily in this imperfect world working through challenges.
14. Always reward them for the efforts and not the outcome. If it is the other way around they will be wary to take up new challenges and feel that they were never good enough.
15. Share your childhood memories with them. Take them to your favourite places of your child hood. It simply deepens sense of belonging and family connections
16. As you daddy always says your children will be a subject to unfair criticisms sometimes. Remember they have no one else other than you to stand up for them

I would like to share a little incident that I keep it close to my heart.

You were 2 days old. Daddy, you and me were in the hospital. It was 1am in the morning. You were sleepy. Daddy decided he wanted to have some quality baby bonding time and wanted to do some photoshoot. You had no choice but to succumb to our crazy idea. We took some pictures. 15 minutes later we decided to go back to sleep.

But you were wide awake and decided none of us were sleeping that night. The next morning we all howled together.

Years down the lane we still laugh at our silliness…

Your second day photoshoot at 1am in the morning

Parenting is an enchanting fairy-tale which can be only lived once…..

Wish you all the more happiness

Mummy

The beauty of uncertainty- Part 1

Dear Mol

Imagine you have booked in a much awaited suspense thriller movie weeks in advance. You find out the ending of the movie 10 minutes prior to the commencement of the movie. Would you be ecstatic or disappointed? You booked in for the movie to experience the suspense, to get some of that adrenaline pumping …to experience the uncertainty….

Mol , marriage is also a suspense thrilled, action packed drama. It is the reunion of 2 unique people full of beauties and abnormalities.. When you enter this enchanted world, teamed up with your better half, these are the teeny weeny stuff I wish to remind you.

1. This is best gift nature has given you, which you will hold onto till the last breath of your life.
2. Parents and children are additional characters in this stage only to test your balancing abilities and the strength of your marriage
3. Cooking is not the inbuilt duty of the female and driving that of the male. You never know when you have to do the other ones duty. What if your other gets very ill or had to go away on an unavoidable trip? Would you starve?
4. Just because you had children doesn’t mean your significant other can live without love and nurturance.  We humans are love hungry animals.
5. Children feel most secure when their parents are in a harmonious relationship. Openly let them know your partner is the most important of all.
6. It is ok to fight in front of your children once in a while provided you also have the guts to make up in front of them as well. They will learn that repentance and forgiveness are the best sign of courage.
7. Remember this reunion is all teamwork. You don’t have to bear all the burden and stress alone. Share it and you will feel some of it evaporating. This will give you a better perspective of problem solving whilst building a stronger platform of trust, compassion and support.
8. Practice gratitude. Be thankful for everything your partner does. Gratitude is the best way of prolonging happiness.
9. Enjoy nurturing each other’s hobbies. You won’t believe the positive energy that is evolved with this simple act.
10. Allow a “me time” for each other. Spending time in solitude is a way of appreciating each other’s presence.
11. Do not put a date, time and expiry day for happiness. You don’t a big vacation once in two years to generate happiness. Enjoying a cuppa tea with each other in one’s own backyard can spice up life.
12. Acknowledge each other’s perfections and imperfections. Sometimes it can be the imperfections that save the day.
13. Remember there may be disagreements from time to time. It is because you are two beautiful people raised with different values and from different backgrounds.
14. Learn each other’s favourite dishes. You won’t believe how much love is instantly produced.
15. Never compare your lives with another couple. This is not a competition. This is just a step downhill. However you can learn a lot from people how to/not to deal with situations.
16. Remember that the children you have are not your toys/pets. They are just a 20 year projects where you have to equip them with the skills to navigate through the world.
17. The way you treat your parents will be the way your children will deal you. The way you treat your partner and children will be the way they treat theirs. Children are marvellous copycats.
18. Marriage is not about the reunion of a master and a slave. At some stage whilst you try to exercise control, it will bring in resistance and unhappiness. It is like caging a butterfly. A butterfly’s beauty is felt is most when it allowed to fly freely among the flowers.
19. Often one person will be the sensitive one and other the harder one. Life is merely teaching the harder one to think twice before spitting out and the sensitive one not to take everything to heart.
20. The ability to forget is nature’s best blessing.  There will be lot of times you encounter challenging moments. These are just to teach you a lesson. Learn, acknowledge and forget it. Erasing from your mind is equivalent to removing the little rocks life has placed for you cleverly. You will not go far if you choose carry these burdens. It’s ok.

Money is not the tool for ultimate happiness and contentment, but merely a tool for material comforts. I would like to tell you a light hearted incident that happened in our family decades ago.

When one of my uncles got married, all the inquisitive relatives gathered around him to know how much dowry his wife had brought. Simply fed up, he called up for a meeting days after the wedding. This is what my gentlemanly uncle said “ She has brought in 51 kg of gold ( which was her body weight), but has strong chances of increasing as time goes by.”

Wishing you all the more  happiness,

Mummy

Energy is neither created nor destroyed

Dear Mol,

Being a science graduate, Mummy always likes to link Physics and real life. I found it extremely hard to memorize anything, but found it ok to grasp concepts when a story was attached. A little trick grandma instilled in me when I was little.

Mol, let’s talk about energies. There was once a great scientist named Newton who conceived the theory “Energy is neither created nor destroyed. It can be only transferred from one place to another”.

Mol, in this world, we always believe there are two types of people-good and the bad. Realistically speaking I like to think as the people with negative and positive energies.

We are always told “your friends and your life situations will shape the person you become “…so true….

Have you noticed that friends with positive energy can actually make you happy while the negative ones can drain you out?

Positive energy is evolved with words, actions and thoughts. Your actions if positive in intentions will evolve positive results. This may not be evident straight away but may give you the result years later. Our ancient texts call it karma. And remember always “what goes around comes around”.

Mol life situations have made me realise the beauty of positive energy. It is indeed from the depth of my heart I believe the following:

1. Laugh every single day of your life. Sharing a joke or a hilarious moment with your loved ones can actually make you a lover of life.
2. Make a 5 minute quality time with every member of your home. This simple ritual could be just holding hands, looking into each other’s eyes….the options are endless here J
3. Stop becoming an annoying sympathetic. Be an empathetic. Putting yourself in someone’s shoes give you a better perspective about life.
4. To become a fountain of positive energy, you have to build one.. Mol have you thought about the concept of a fountain. It needs an overflow of clean water. For this you need a fresh source of energy and a good recycling system. Good sources would include meditation, reading good books and a strong sense of wellbeing. Recycling would mean examining your life critically from time to time, cleaning out the negative elements and sustaining the positive ones.
5. Energy can never be bottled. It is a free spirit which travels around. When you are happy, you will spread happiness unknowingly.
6. Recollect your school life. The challenges you faced in year 1 was way too different when you were in year 12. Your teachers prepared at each level and you faced the next level with grace and courage. Mol, life is also the same. Each time you pass the little ones, life puts in the next bigger riskier challenges in front of you.  Can you think of a better example other than marriage and parenting?
7. Your attitude is like the tyre of your car. A flat tyre will not take you far. You will have to change it at some stage.
8. Remember no events in your life is an accident. Every person who crosses your path is there for a reason. Some are to boost your happiness while some become the necessary reasons to find your happiness.
9. Living in the comfort zone is like a life of a frog in the well. Some situations will come just to move you out the comfy zone. You will find happiness though it is not evident straight away but will make you a stronger you…a better you….
10. Every challenge is hard in the beginning messy in the middle and delightful in the end. When I became your mummy, I was overwhelmed with sleepless nights, confused in juggling home and work and finally years later when I think back, I could not think of a life without you….Mol this is what the beautiful law of thermodynamics says…When two independent stable systems are brought together, some disturbances are sure to take place. This will not last forever. Once the disturbances subside, a new stable system is evolved.
11.  Like building a support system for your health and finances, it is important to build one for your mental wellbeing. Friends, good reads, therapists, teachers are all a part of it.
12. Hobbies can always calm you down. It is not an excuse to wash it down the drain once you enter marriage and parenting. Your children will observe and understand that pursuing your hobbies is a channel to positive energy and happiness.
13. Mol, every person you come across can never be your friend. It is not because he/she is bad, but because everyone is not everyone’s cup of tea. Accept and move on.
14. Mol as accomplish your goals in life, it is unnecessary to share it with every tom, Dick and Harry. Not everyone shares your same level of excitement when you complete building your house and get promoted at work. Why make them unhappy?
15. We have often noticed nature has a way of showing subtle signs before the strike of a calamity. Our body is the same. Before the onset of a calamity, it shows tiny signs. If you have been mindful, you can start the repair process straight away…someone wise said a stitch in time always saves nine….

Life is a funny teacher. It will put in conflicting situations in front of you. It is merely teaching you the art of prioritising and decision making.

When you have conflicting situations at work and home, a beautiful reminder is “my work will find my replacement, but my child will never have another mother”

Wish you all the more peace and joy,
 Mummy

Finding happiness

Dear Mol,

Of late, mummy has been talking about self -love, care, respect, esteem….

I was a child dearly attached to my family. For whatever achievements I had good words, treats and what not...none of which was a shortage. I learned a bad habit on the way- saying negative things about myself to receive a positive word and elevated expectations from others to boost my image.

 

Amidst my beautiful family, being pregnant with you

But when I came to Australia, those kind words came across the phone only. I started missing being “the child”.

Mol have you actually scrutinised these situations?

1. Why is that after an achievement, despite having a lot of positive feedback… that one snide remark is like a pin on the balloon?
2. Why is that after years of trying to achieve  that difficult goal, your happiness was short lived?
3.  Why is that you felt lost out even after reaching 99% of the targets and you were never “GOOD ENOUGH”.
4. Why is that you feel certain situations keep bombarding you all the time and not the others? 

WHY?

These are situations mummy knows too well. But the lessons learnt now are better than the lessons not learnt at all.

My dear Mol, child is indeed the symbol of innocence, beauty , acknowledgement, love and hope. It is in that period every milestone is eagerly awaited, with excitement and days are rosy and the room smells of excitement and happiness. As we grow up, we are imposed with goals which become the building blocks of our life.

your first steps

Mol think of the four situations I have put through to you….

You are the sole master of your life, not the situations you come across.

There is still that inner child in you who yearns for your attention and love. Give it abundant love and respect. Picture yourself as that beautiful 5 year old filling your home with peals of laughter, hope and joy. Try the following I have researched and have been actively practicing.

my 28th day

1. Do deep breathing for 10 minutes as soon as you are awake. After all breath is the vehicle of your life.
2. Eat, hydrate and say positive words to yourself. If a guest visits you, these will be of your highest priority. Your inner child relishes the same.
3. Whilst finalising a goal, break it down to small manageable chunks. Acknowledge your inner child each time you accomplished a task. Remember it is the tiny steps, actions and decisions which make a better tomorrow.
4. Assess your day critically at the end of each day. Visualise the beautiful 5 year old in you...Acknowledge the good deeds of the day. It can be anything from not losing your temper to eating healthy or even sorting out a drawer.
5. Make a list of things to improve upon. One could be to reduce Facebook time and thinking negative.
6. Drastically reduce expectations from other. When encountering negative words remember “it is not about me, ITS ABOUT THEM”.
7. As one of your Elemas put, " Know yourself well.  Develop the grace to take in constructive critisicms while turning a blind eye on the demeaning ones".
8. Complementing anyone for making your day a tad better never hurts. Ponder…Creating some life’s better moments never creates a hole in your pocket.

Mol as we grow older, the people who always make us happy may not be with us physically in the same room. But wherever you go, whatever you do, if you can duly acknowledge yourself, you will be happy.

Happiness is not an accident, it is an intentional effect.

Love

Mummy

Living fully in the moment- Only this is yours

A few posts ago, I mentioned about my grandparents who had departed...

I always found it difficult to express my feelings to my loved ones. But when they depart, you come to know you were a subject to a 1000 emotions.

This time when I was in India, mom was having her tough days. Her mother Leela Ammama was in her last days. She was in the ICU. It was uncertain how long she would be around. She was sad and not talking much. As we were never close, there was not much words to be exchanged when I visited her. 

It was painful, so I started taking Ammu along with me. They clicked instantly and her eyes would light up. My 6 year old had better rapport with my grandmother than the 30+ me. 

She was discharged from the hospital and moved in with us. I made sincere efforts to bridge that gap. She started to open up.  I found out we actually had great similarities and tastes for a lot of things. She enjoyed gossiping like a teenager with me. One afternoon, while we were chatting away, she had a visitor.  I decided to go out. When I returned, I went to her room. She was fast asleep. I decided not to disturb her and continue the conversation next morning.

Leela Ammama for Ammus 1st Birthday

God had other plans. She passed away that night. Our conversation remained unfinished. We never took the 4 generation picture mum and I wished...She just became a memory....

It hit me hard... nothing in this life is permanent. Change is imminent. It struck me hard and much pain no one is with us forever. Life is like holding sand with your bare hands. It slips away though your fingers. Enjoy the moment when it is there with you, 5 minutes later it is a memory.

Parenting is a part of it. The days are long and slow sometimes, but the years are indeed short.

Speaking of which, when I had my first baby, like everyone else I was overwhelmed and helpless when she encountered stranger anxiety. I had to be within 2 metres of her radius. I was frustrated and thought angrily “why me????"

After having so many deaths in our family in the last three years, it struck me nothing lasts forever.

When my second one came along, I embraced his stranger anxiety. It was only for a couple of months, I would be the apple of his eye. 10 years down the lane, his friends will have a more important spot than me. 25 years down the track, he will need to satisfy the emotional needs of a growing number of people like his partner, children, work and friends and so on......

Only this moment is truly mine. While we chart out our children’s future and work towards the goal, we often overlook these moments. We are in the constant rush to get things done and often end up with the excuse “I just don’t have the time".

My baby is not going to be playing with potatoes and hiding under the drawers all the time. He is not going to have the toothless giggle all the time...he will grow up...my house is not going to be strewn with toys indefinitely...he will move on....

When was the last time you.....

1) picked up the phone and told mom...

2)randomly wrote a love message to your partner..

3) went to your child’s level, looked into her eyes..

and just said I love you??

There is no perfect moment…take the moment and make it picturesque...beautiful and simply magical..

Lots of love and best wishes

Chad

Happy Birthday Me!!!

Two years ago on this very same day, I felt the world closing on me and really felt life was worthless. Despite the cheerful people who called me, despite the birthday cake and the surprises…despite the 4 degrees I had earned..... What is the point when you have it all when you feel you have nothing at all…

It was the worst period of my life. I only blamed myself throughout. I learnt a few things on the way while I was busy mending me.

1. True love is a different story…
2. True love is not about giving roses on special days but making life rosier than ever
3. True love is not about making you in happier in your happy days but helping you to pick up and get up in your sadder days
4. True love is not professing love and writing letters but helping you to find out the real meaning about self worth and self respect.
5. True love is not about celebrating your achievement but supporting you with the kind reassuring words when you feel there is nothing to look forward to.
6. True love is not about charting out a fairy tale ending but really making absolute peace with the past.
7. True love is not discovering places together but helping you to discover the better you.

I never felt a sense of achievement when I earned the most difficult and challenging degree of my life- Master of Research engineering in Nov 2014. Today when I look back, I feel I have achieved not another Engineering degree , but a degree to face life with self worth and self assurance.

I have been talking lately a lot about self respect and self care. To mark my 34^th year around, this is something I have come up with to gift me…

Love Chad

Centre of the universe

Dear Mol

 “What if the sun stopped shining when you got up one morning?”

Upon coming to Australia, I began to miss my mother’s soothing voice, my dad’s reassurance and my sister’s laughter. I was indeed very lonely. This was when Daddy , you and Baby came along.

Being brought up innocently, I mistook the people I came across as my own family. How wrong was I!! I learnt it the very hard way!! I met a lot of wrong people when you came along. My feeling of inadequacy soared and I thought something was seriously wrong with me.

My dear Mol, there was nothing wrong with me, this was an indication that time had come to re-examine myself. It was time for me to assess my self-worth and take radical steps to raise my self-esteem.                                                                                                                                                                                              

Mol at some stage in your life you will learn about the universe. The sun is the centre and the master of the universe. All the others simply revolve around it. Remember you are the supreme power in your life. This is a lesson I learnt late in life and have been actively practicing the following to keep me sane!!

1. Competing with yourself is the hardest and most fulfilling. Winning ===radical improvement in life.
2. Find time daily to do the things which unwinds you. It could be reading , smelling a flower to trying something new.
3. Finish up the chores which least motivates you in the early part of the day. This means you have rest of the day to enjoy!!
4. You don’t have to answer every question imposed on you by others. Some questions are the best unanswered.
5. Do not allow every Tom Dick and Harry to come into your private space. Turn them off gently. If they don’t get it, tell them off firmly.
6. Find time for your passions. Saying you don’t have time is just an excuse.
7. Keep a list of people whose character you admire. Replicating what you can, is a good beginning.
8. Forgive , but do not forget. It is a pain to mess with the same people for the same reasons.
9. Caring and protecting yourself is not selfishness, but being kind to yourself.
10.  For each aim you have succeeded, reward yourself. Rewards are not just for little children and people at work. Everyone needs motivation.
11.  Make peace with your past. The day you do that will mean you have removed a hard wall from your life and you have moved forward.
12. Brooding over your past and mistakes leads you nowhere. Mistake means it was an option which didn’t work well for the situation. After all experience is the best teacher!!
13. Keep a dedicated time for social media. Place your phone in the room farthest to you, when you are in bed.
14. Own a happy diary to jot down the events of your life that made it worth living. In your not very good days, this is the best booster which reminds of the great person you are!!! This great little book is a keeper.
15. Write everyday 5 sentences what you feel the luckiest about. The first should be, you woke up alive.

Mol, the richest and the luckiest man is that super soul who can fall asleep with a smiling face.

Love

 Mummy

Joy of small things

Dear Mol,

When I was in school, there was a concept “Thought of the week.” Little did I know, this will add a meaning to my life till Baby and you came along. Like everyone my childhood days are closely held to my heart, not because of the house I grew up in, but because of the people who touched my heart some way or the other. These are some of the moments I wish to share with you.

1. Playing hide and seek with Ammama who had Baby Sanju on the hip
2. Laughing aloud with Achacha, Ammama and Sanju in the lift when realized that we were there for a while, forgetting to press the button.
3. Jumping on the muddy puddles with Sanju on the road.
4. Sneaking up to the terrace with Sanjan to eat mangoes from the neighbour’s garden.
5. Waking up to hear Gee’s beautiful playing of the Veena on Sunday mornings
6. Enjoying Mootha Ammama’s shy face, when daddy placed a piece of fish into Mummy mouth during our dating days.

My dear Mol, life’s greatest moments don’t cost a dime, but is worth a million dollars. We always feel childhood is a period we wish to go back to.

I have begun to change that concept. Sometimes due to changing priorities like marriage and career, the things we enjoyed take a backseat. You have taught me it is possible to awaken the child in me. Child is indeed the mother of mankind.

I love the adrenaline pumping away when:

1. Swinging in the park with you, the wind breathing on my face and laughing uncontrollably.
2. Singing at the top of my not very gifted voice while having you and baby mesmerised.
3. Having a running race with you to see who reaches the shady tree first
4. Playing, where you are the mummy while daddy and I am your babies.
5. Hiding under the sheets with you when daddy comes back from work to scream ‘BOWWOW’
6. Waiting to hear you squeal, when we take you for your surprise party in the park.
7. Swimming in a lake with you, without knowing its depth.

I have learned that children are indeed bundles of joy. They are only there for a very short period of your life until they move from the nest to start their lives. Enjoy them when they are with you. Nothing last forever.

Every moment in life is like a train stopping at the station. It is only there for a moment before it moves on.

Dear Mol, thank you a million times for enriching me with the beautiful moments you shower upon me.

Love

Mummy

PS: Many thanks to our inhouse photographer Deeps for allowing me to use her UK pictures

A letter to my daughter which I wish her to read some day

 

Dear Mol

This is  a letter I wish to read to you at some stage for the choices I took for you.

Parenting is an  evolving process. Its priorities are always changing although the botton line is the same –happiness. When your grandma was raised, the main aim was her to be a good wife. Education took a backseat. When I was raised, grandma prepared me to become a good wife besides giving me an exceptional education. My parents were courageous to send me to Australia unmarried. They let me go to explore the world on my own…How I was in for a few surprises in the real world!!!

When you came into my life, as a mum, I decided that I am going to embed you the skill set to face the world with courage and pluck, besides educating you ….

From my life events and the people I have admired , this is what I wish to tell you.

1. Be blissful of your body. You own it. No one has the right to take that away
2. Be wary of strangers. The world has a good mix of nice and not nice people.
3. Wherever you go, there will be a ‘someone’ to mess your day. Let them screw theirs and not yours.
4. Look after yourself. People will feel a moment’s sympathy but not your pain.
5.  Happiness comes in small and big packets. You, daddy and baby were them!!!!
6. If you are happy with yourself, you have learnt the greatest trick of the trade.
7. Learn to say no. Saying yes to everything burns you out eventually.
8. Keep promises which you are sure fulfill. This is less distressful and more peaceful.
9.  Honesty is still valued. We want you to tell us the good and the not very good events of your life.
10. Food on the table did not appear out of the blue. Someone actually took the car out, shopped, cleaned and cooked it for you.
11. Like you, mummy and daddy also get tired. We also slow down.
12. Helping out gets the boat going. Proactiveness is appreciated everywhere.
13. We appreciate every good little things you do. That is what a pat in the back and compliments are for. We also like that in return!!!
14. The not very good things need corrections. We believe in second chances.
15. We hand you out rewards because we are happy with the choices you made. Likewise we painfully hand out penalties for the sad choices you took.
16. We discuss if something upsets you. We try to make such events less frequent and live life more fruitfully.
17. Mummy and daddy are not rich. We promise to keep you well fed, well-groomed and well educated. The rest of it will be considered seriously .
18. All members have equal gastronomical importance. Mummy may not be able to fulfil all your needs at once.. You will all have your turn, that includes daddy.
19. Education =====respect. Mummy will teach you something new everyday. It could range from swimming to photosynthesis to baking cookies... Self-sufficiency and ability to acquire new skills are looked in any role you wish to take up in future.
20. Nature is beautiful. Enjoy the fresh air, birds singing and flowers blooming. It has a happy effect.
21. Take each experience as a learning curve. Try something new. Every day is a self-discovery day. You are still not aware of all your capabilities.
22. Mummy and daddy also make mistakes not because we did it on purpose. But because we were born as parents the day you were born to us. We are learning too!! Forgive us!!
23. We are an old fashioned family. We love the magic words "thank you, sorry and please". Thank you means you acknowledge, Sorry means repent and Please means humbleness.
24. Let creativity and imagination fill your life. Mummy enjoys going into the magical world of Elsa and Anna, Cinderella and handsome prince and of course Care bears with you....You bring out the child in me.
25. Finally no one loves you more than your family. Mummy and daddy does everything for you not because it is our duty, but because we simply love you!!

Dance in the rain
Taste the raindrops

Sing whilst you bathe

Paint away

Say stories in your magical voice
Fill everywhere with peals of your laughter

I adore you my baby like there is no tomorrow

Make every moment a dream come true

Happiness is contagious,

Spread it like wild Fire

Love

Mummy

Getting Emotional

I am sure like me, many of you lose your cool on and off. Initially I used to brush it off saying I belong to the fiery category of Aries. So have the right to be hot-headed , short tempered …. ( For those of you who are not astrology crazy like me, Aries is the Sun sign of the people who are born between March 20 to April 20 and have a fiery independent character).

At one stage, I began to feel this emotion is becoming the master of my life .I was not enjoying the fast adrenaline pumping, the distress of my loved ones, the after tears, remorse…list goes on.

I have come to terms with this issue. A movie recently struck chords with me. If you realize you have a disorder such as diabetes, you come to terms with it.  You make lifestyle changes and just MOVE ON.

Anger according to Cambridge dictionary is defined strong feeling that makes you want to hurt someone because of something unfair or unkind that has happened. 

Some of the strategies that I have researched and trying to incorporate in my lifestyle as much as I can are:

1. Upon the onset of challenging situations, I try to move away from the situation. If time permits, watch it. 
2. If you access to drinking water, have a glass. I learnt this technique from Ammu’s childcare. For some reason, it cools you down.
3. Critically analyse the situation once you are in your better senses. What was the triggering factor? Are you co-responsible? What can you do it to prevent the next time?
4. Remember, for all what happens around you, accept you are NOT RESPONSIBLE.
5. Seeking help is not a crime, infact is a sign of maturity and courage!!!Talk to friends or elders who are generally calmer than you. A bit of worldy wisdom never hurts :)…
6. Say Sorry to the hurt party. Age is no bar here. This induces better relations with your loved ones. 
7. Yelling leads to nowhere. I adore this
8. Check your bloods. Vit D and Iron levels play with moods.
9. Teaching your loved ones that “Avoid me when I am in my moods” can prevent calamities to a big extend. Truly tried and tested!!!
10. Stop expectations from others. Unfulfilled expectation and promises from others spikes resentment. I have learnt this the hard way over the years.
11. Reacting to every unfair moment leads you to nowhere. I love this thought. It has worked all the time for me.  
    

Ending this with a lighter note….

If you  have strategies which have been working  for you please share with me. I would love to hear from you.

You cannot choose the situation, but you can definately choose your reaction.

Love Chad

Being me..Loving me..Respecting me

Being me..Loving me..Respecting me

                I love a story. A background history to kick-start a topic.

Giving up work. Having Ammu. Looking after Ammu….I felt the world was coming to a close and I felt I was not “worthy”. I felt a thousand negative feelings engulfing me. I thought going back to work will take away those negativities,

RESULT: NOT REALLY

This was nothing to do with circumstances or proving to the people around I was something. It was to do with me. It took 32 years, some months and several days to understand that the value, the respect and most importantly the love I had put aside for myself.

The day I started giving me importance was the day I felt I was seeing the world with less streaky lens.

Many a time, I hear men and women cribbing “stay at home moms” are a waste of space and money.

This was a beautiful article which changed my life and outlook as a SAHM.

These strategies have been working well in increasing my self-worth and self-respect.

1.     Stop comparing your life with others. Facebook is a good culprit here. You don’t know what they have in their plate,
2.     Read…read…read. There are some great blogs which focus on self-worth, self-respect and staying sane. This is like my morning cuppa. A few minutes of reading these peps you up to take life challenges with grace and poise.
3.       Being a perfectionist leads you to nowhere. It just burns you out at one stage.
4.       Being good enough is great enough. A happy mom=happy husband== happy family.
5.       Set aside me time for 20 minutes a day. It rejuvenates your patience levels and day to a new level.
6.       A great set circle of friends after marriage is a great source of sanity. Reconnect with your childhood friends if you haven’t. This is what whatsapp and skype calls were designed for….
7.   Say goodbye to negative people. Save their numbers and don’t pick up those calls.
8.    The Buddha thought is handy for difficult situations…”This will pass. This is not forever”
9.    Lastly tell yourself several time a day “ I love myself. I respect myself”

Love Chad

To accept or not

A Monday afternoon conversation in the office kitchen in a reputed uni back in 2012 that started casually:

Lady: “How was your weekend?”

Me:” No Good”

Lady: “Why?”

Me: “Daughter had an asthma attack.”

Lady:” So who is looking after her today?”

Naïve Me again:” My husband is looking after her today”.

Lady:” So you are not even capable of managing your own child” and simply walks away.

I was flabbergasted and stuck to the ground. Emotions began to flood in a while. The rest of the day became hazy and I was totally unaware of what was going around. I went home to cry shamelessly in front of my husband and poured everything to him. He comforted the hysterical me but reminded me gently “She has ruined your day for sure, let her not ruin your capabilities.”

Life back then was throw balling challenges at a fast rate then in the form of uni, work, exams, unexpected illnesses and trips to India. At one stage it started to get frightening and overwhelming.

 We then decided to invest in something for our long term happiness. We took the first step by going for Reiki healing sessions. The initial few hours were about why we were both sitting in that room. The wise teacher finally spoke “No two days of our life are mirror images. Each day of our life throws us challenges; sometimes big, sometimes small. They can be in the form of people and incidents. Happiness and sadness are just emotions that come along with them. Take it, accept it and finally FORGET it. Treat the outcome of each challenge as a lesson, learn from it and move on. They are only here to make you stronger.” Remember it is easier to blow out a candle in the wind than to set it alight.

Speaking of people, have you ever noticed the difference between happy people and sensitive people? Life gives its fair share of challenges to both people. It is really the attitude which is different.

 Happy people simply see through nasty people, accept that this is the best that you can get off them and move on. They are like ducks. Why ducks of all animals? Why not a tiger or a lion or an eagle?

Pour water on the duck’s back. Not a drop of water is absorbed. All is washed away.

Sensitive people like me on the other hand have an elephant’s memory. All the events are stored in a chronological order, scrutinised and don’t enjoy life’s best moments to the fullest.

I always try to remember the golden words “Life is indeed a gold mine”. In the mine, precious gold is found embedded in dirt. Pick up the gold and leave the dirt behind. In our school days, we have all learnt the concept of gravity. Gravity is a force whose hobby is to pull everything down. Similarly in life, there are more people to pull you down or to scrape away at least a little peace in you. You can never make the world perfect, but definitely you can rewire your attitude.

I end this post with the beautiful serenity prayer that stuck some chord somewhere within me.

                                                            
God grant me the                                         serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can

  and wisdom to know the difference.

PS:
Dearest  people,
A lot of you were kind  enough  to write  comments. Some  of you  were unsuccessful  but were perseverant to try till the comment got published.
We looked into it and found that the easiest  way  around  this  is to sign up to blogger.com using your Gmail  account.  After which add bubandgrub.blogspot.com.au to your reading  list and it is easy to  comment. Please note the whole process takes just less than a minute.

Thanks much again

Lines of Communication- Positive Affirmation

Rewind to that chilly August 2006 winter night in Melbourne

 Anu and I were newly married and officially unemployed. Anu was busy preparing for his upcoming medical exams while I was doing a casual evening job in the city, besides completing my Masters. After work, I was rushing to catch the 9:30pm tram to our house. In that frantic rush, I lost my balance and went crashing on to the ground. Dazed and still there, I could feel people watching me, but no one came around. Finally someone picked me up and placed me in the tram. When I got home, my jeans was drenched in blood and Anu cleaned me up. I thought Anu would be angry for my clumsiness, but he surprised me the following night. The following  night , at the end of my shift, Anu and his books were patiently waiting outside my workplace  and that became a ritual.  Although the financial side was dim, we were content with each other. When he got his first job as a doctor, I was ecstatic and rang up mum. I informed her that we were moving from our humble studio to better premises with better facilities. This is when she gave me a piece of worldly wisdom “As the house get larger, so does the distance between the hearts”.

Life went predictably well until bub arrived in 2009 along with the big recession. Anu went into a stringent specialist training program while I was again officially out of work  with a bub this time.Stresses were high, expectations from each other soared, fights were intense and regular and tongues got sharper. Our relation saw new lows. I was truly overwhelmed with my new duties and my dreams took a backseat.

With Anu’s encouragement, I went on to do a research degree. But the scene in the home front hadn’t improved much. Chasing the research life made me realize, it was high time for damage control. Everything was everywhere.

Having a sharp memory of an elephant, I began to recollect our good old honeymoon days in Singapore. We met a Mexican couple married for 40 years. They fondly told us “Marriage is an institution where you have to put in a 100% every day , a couple of percentages down, it immediately goes in a different direction” Quite often with the arrival of bubs and changes in work priorities, marriage starts to become challenging. To fall in love is the easiest, to continue to be in love is the hardest.

Our in-house Juliet with longest and contented marriage aka my 85+ aged grandmother once told me “With love and respect that is so strong, nothing becomes impossible. Follow the 3As Accept, Appreciate and Apologize, there is a greater reason to smile in life”.

A simple and sincere thank you goes a long way when the other half does something for you. Becoming parents, we often deem ourselves to be the world's best advice machines on every matter under the roof. Actions speak louder than words. The way we conduct with each other often becomes a source of inspiration and imitation for our children rather than being a preaching box.

Loving Science as a student, I tend to compare life with chemistry. Iron and Carbon on their own are easily breakable. But combined together the right way, the resultant is an unbreakable metal called steel. Which reminds me of a standing joke between Anu and I. Sometimes I go and ask Anu for a favour, he retorts back jokingly “Do you need my help for everything?” To which I reply “If I could do everything myself, I would still be a single :) “

As someone once romantic said, “Walk alone, you can walk quickly; walk together, you can walk further.

Open Communication 1

In my previous posts, I mentioned that I was chasing irrelevant things whilst ignoring baby’s years. Having said this, guilt plagued me to the core as I was working full time in a role I hated to the core. So to pacify myself, I used to bake exotic cakes weekly, do regular themed parties and shower her with expensive gifts. I was in denial of the void that existed in our lives.

Once in our nightly ritual chats with my dearest husband, I was trying to justify myself, “How many a mother actually do the above mentioned stuff despite working full time?” To which my paediatrician husband quietly replied “It doesn’t really matter what you do for the child, but having an open relation with the child nullifies everything you couldn’t do with her”. Although I completely didn’t understand what he meant, years later this line changed our lives forever.

We often come across some sweet people with certain qualities that embed into our heart straight away. We brush it off by believing it is the natural character and nothing else. As rightly pointed out by my close cousins, character is 5 % inherent and 95% parenting. It is always the actions of today that build a better tomorrow. Having said that the first vow I took was to make up for the lost time between my child and me. I was one of those crazy parents who wanted my children to be my best friends. I knew it was going to be hard work and lots of damage control.

The first discovery I made was, each time she did something positive, kneel down to her level, look into her eyes, just tell her you appreciate the act and thank her. 99.9% of the time you will notice a shine in their eye. A simple act I started with her was each time we did something together, I went up to her and told her it just made my day to spend those precious moments with her.

 Years later when I got pregnant with bub 2, I was not worth a dime due to severe morning sickness, ongoing complication, frequent hospital admissions and unescapable confinement to bed. Prior to this, I had prepped her to the constraints and unavoidable lifestyle changes that were bound to happen.  As there were no surprises, she took everything gracefully.

On one of our recent picnics during one of those days when I was able to lift myself out of the bed, off we went with a 10 day old fish curry, a week old rice and yogurt. We managed to have some good time in our own way. Upon returning, she came and told me in her tiny voice,” Mummy I actually enjoyed every minute with you and would have it no other way.”  I then thought of what my better half told me ages ago. Bless him!!

Chad