Living fully in the moment- Only this is yours

A few posts ago, I mentioned about my grandparents who had departed...

I always found it difficult to express my feelings to my loved ones. But when they depart, you come to know you were a subject to a 1000 emotions.

This time when I was in India, mom was having her tough days. Her mother Leela Ammama was in her last days. She was in the ICU. It was uncertain how long she would be around. She was sad and not talking much. As we were never close, there was not much words to be exchanged when I visited her. 

It was painful, so I started taking Ammu along with me. They clicked instantly and her eyes would light up. My 6 year old had better rapport with my grandmother than the 30+ me. 

She was discharged from the hospital and moved in with us. I made sincere efforts to bridge that gap. She started to open up.  I found out we actually had great similarities and tastes for a lot of things. She enjoyed gossiping like a teenager with me. One afternoon, while we were chatting away, she had a visitor.  I decided to go out. When I returned, I went to her room. She was fast asleep. I decided not to disturb her and continue the conversation next morning.

Leela Ammama for Ammus 1st Birthday

God had other plans. She passed away that night. Our conversation remained unfinished. We never took the 4 generation picture mum and I wished...She just became a memory....

It hit me hard... nothing in this life is permanent. Change is imminent. It struck me hard and much pain no one is with us forever. Life is like holding sand with your bare hands. It slips away though your fingers. Enjoy the moment when it is there with you, 5 minutes later it is a memory.

Parenting is a part of it. The days are long and slow sometimes, but the years are indeed short.

Speaking of which, when I had my first baby, like everyone else I was overwhelmed and helpless when she encountered stranger anxiety. I had to be within 2 metres of her radius. I was frustrated and thought angrily “why me????"

After having so many deaths in our family in the last three years, it struck me nothing lasts forever.

When my second one came along, I embraced his stranger anxiety. It was only for a couple of months, I would be the apple of his eye. 10 years down the lane, his friends will have a more important spot than me. 25 years down the track, he will need to satisfy the emotional needs of a growing number of people like his partner, children, work and friends and so on......

Only this moment is truly mine. While we chart out our children’s future and work towards the goal, we often overlook these moments. We are in the constant rush to get things done and often end up with the excuse “I just don’t have the time".

My baby is not going to be playing with potatoes and hiding under the drawers all the time. He is not going to have the toothless giggle all the time...he will grow up...my house is not going to be strewn with toys indefinitely...he will move on....

When was the last time you.....

1) picked up the phone and told mom...

2)randomly wrote a love message to your partner..

3) went to your child’s level, looked into her eyes..

and just said I love you??

There is no perfect moment…take the moment and make it picturesque...beautiful and simply magical..

Lots of love and best wishes

Chad