Open Communication 1

In my previous posts, I mentioned that I was chasing irrelevant things whilst ignoring baby’s years. Having said this, guilt plagued me to the core as I was working full time in a role I hated to the core. So to pacify myself, I used to bake exotic cakes weekly, do regular themed parties and shower her with expensive gifts. I was in denial of the void that existed in our lives.

Once in our nightly ritual chats with my dearest husband, I was trying to justify myself, “How many a mother actually do the above mentioned stuff despite working full time?” To which my paediatrician husband quietly replied “It doesn’t really matter what you do for the child, but having an open relation with the child nullifies everything you couldn’t do with her”. Although I completely didn’t understand what he meant, years later this line changed our lives forever.

We often come across some sweet people with certain qualities that embed into our heart straight away. We brush it off by believing it is the natural character and nothing else. As rightly pointed out by my close cousins, character is 5 % inherent and 95% parenting. It is always the actions of today that build a better tomorrow. Having said that the first vow I took was to make up for the lost time between my child and me. I was one of those crazy parents who wanted my children to be my best friends. I knew it was going to be hard work and lots of damage control.

The first discovery I made was, each time she did something positive, kneel down to her level, look into her eyes, just tell her you appreciate the act and thank her. 99.9% of the time you will notice a shine in their eye. A simple act I started with her was each time we did something together, I went up to her and told her it just made my day to spend those precious moments with her.

 Years later when I got pregnant with bub 2, I was not worth a dime due to severe morning sickness, ongoing complication, frequent hospital admissions and unescapable confinement to bed. Prior to this, I had prepped her to the constraints and unavoidable lifestyle changes that were bound to happen.  As there were no surprises, she took everything gracefully.

On one of our recent picnics during one of those days when I was able to lift myself out of the bed, off we went with a 10 day old fish curry, a week old rice and yogurt. We managed to have some good time in our own way. Upon returning, she came and told me in her tiny voice,” Mummy I actually enjoyed every minute with you and would have it no other way.”  I then thought of what my better half told me ages ago. Bless him!!

Chad

Harmful or Helpful?

Peering into today's world, empathy and kindness are fast disappearing traits.

Seeing this post in Facebook, depresses me.

I am not trying to sound as a feminist here but reality is that, this is highly toxic. In yesteryears and in today’s world to some extent, the most desired quality for a wife is to be the “sacrificial scapegoat”.

I have known many a woman when are sick to the core, hide from their loved ones and continue to perform the wife and mother’s “Expected statement of duties” with a smile cringing with pain inside. The rest of the family members label her as a “superhuman”, “backbone of the family” and take her for granted over time as well as become more than ever dependent over her. But how long does this actually last? It may be possible in a case of flu but not for cancer.

Girls, take rest and look after yourselves first. You are saving your families from a greater risk. Isn’t it that is exactly told to you by the airs hostess before flight take-off? In case of an emergency attend to yourself first and then the others. If you are falling sick, just say you are and hand over the inevitable home duties to others. It is not possible to live a fairy tale all the time.

Forgive me for being cynical. This phase is great for other members of the family as well. It is a reality check where other members are being equipped to face emergency situations with pluck, courage and most importantly empathy and consideration. In effect you are increasing the skill set of your loved ones.

People, as we join new work/team, we are issued with a statement of duties. What makes the team efficient and productive? It is when the team members cheerfully help out each other at the time of crisis and steer the boat smoothly during rough weather.

Isn’t family the same in reality?

Shoot me your thoughts.

Love Chad

To know the good sometimes you need to experience the bad

For many of us, life has been a smooth journey upto a certain point without any humps and bumps. People like me started to take life for granted.

Ever since my graduation, I wanted to pursue PhD only to get a 'Doctor' in front of name. My Family was very supportive as I proved to be outstanding in my post graduate degree in Oz. I pushed myself beyond limits and achieved results I always dreamt of. But this was before she arrived into our little world. She being an adjusting bub gave me the wrong impression life was always predictable and doable as before.

I considered myself the luckiest upon being selected into the nation's most prestigious research group which was internationally acclaimed for its "Results" and extraordinary people. But I failed to realize I was doing two full time jobs with limited support- One as a Baby's mother and other as a researcher. Like the others I became "result driven" and didn’t enjoy the baby's growing years. In the mean time I was subjected to office bullying and began to detest everyone in general. My sole aim was to start afresh again. I became bitter and blamed everyone for everything.

Again to know the beauty of light, I learnt the miseries of dark. After a couple of gruelling months, I saw light. To move life in a positive way, count on your blessings and not your follies. Never compare your life with others as you are witnessing only a small spectrum of their life. Sometimes some things may be right in front of you that you overlook them. Live amidst people who appreciate you than chasing dreams and people that no longer mean a damn. Small moments indeed draw the big picture. Let go of the negative elements in your life. It is always the happy memories that count in your older years.
Plan it!! Create it!!And most of all enjoy it!!!

The present is indeed a present. Take it and treat it that way!!

Being wary of the past makes you bitter, It is like driving a car looking at the rear mirror only.

 Worrying about the future only makes you anxious. It is like driving the car looking at the GPS.

But driving the car and enjoying nature's beauty is enjoying the beautiful PRESENT.