Made in heaven …really?

Let me start with an incident from those difficult teenage years… I think I was in my seventh semester in Engineering.  One of dad’s professors had come to visit. While saying goodbye to grandma, it struck him that I was reaching a marriageable age and that he had someone in mind.  Upon hearing this quick proposal, I huffed and fumed and went in banging the door….

For me marriage meant being locked in the four corners of the wall, being a home nurse to your in laws, a maid to do all the housework, a carrier of babies and teary life in general….A sneak peak into our society and too much of watching the Malayalam soaps with Grandma…I simply hated the concept of marriage and did not want to leave my parents’ home too…

But somewhere deep inside I always yearned to have a life that my grandparents led. They bypassed all the traditional rules to have a successful married life and enjoyed the most beautiful moments ever. Grandma, born in 1929 in Iran was raised in a modern urban family where women were empowered, educated and allowed to think for themselves. She graduated from a co-ed university with a bachelor in Maths.

Grandad on the other hand was born into an agricultural family where education had no importance. In fact there were no basic facilities in his house like electricity, gas or even a toilet. Women in his area had to relieve themselves in the fields before sunrise or sunset. They were not allowed to eat in the dining table with the men rather, eat after them on the floor in the kitchen. Grandad was a great student in school, who graduated from high school with the highest mark. But his family could not afford his education and expected him to join the family occupation. Grandad had other plans and soon set out to Persia where he met his future father in law and the rest was history..

The wedding between Granddad and Grandma was seen with pure speculation. There were no similarities between them. My city bred grandma was in for a lot of surprises as she was given an idea about the set up at grandpa’s home. My grandpa foresaw the situation and built the first bath attached toilet for grandma in that village which actually won her heart. He did not force her to live there till he took her to the Gulf.

 They shared a beautiful ritual together .Every Friday, it was a holiday in the gulf. In the mornings, Grandpa would go to the Friday meat market for a leg of the lamb. He brought it home , and boned and cut it for his favourite mutton varattiyathu. She cooked it and then he took her for a Hindi picture that evening in the thirty years they lived there despite the fact he hated movies and she loved movies. My grandpa was a lover of good life, food and enjoyment. They were together every single day of their married life. She cooked her heart out and he ate it with love and delight. Grandma loved him so much she used to tell me that its better Grandpa leaves first as she would be able to adjust he won’t….That’s love….

The day he left this world, for the funeral traditionally, the body is kept on the floor. She couldn’t bear him in that situation. She had their bed moved into the living room and had him placed there. She was in the sofa; hugging him…It was one of those moments of loss …and pure realizations…

Marriages are indeed made in heaven….Marriage is a union of two different human beings that come close together for love. Compassion, respect and care and babies are pure synonyms …When there is love, all the difficulties in life are diffused. Love bypasses it all. Love becomes so strong that you want see more of that and then the babies come along. Genuine respect for each other is a sign of love. Their education and familial differences were not a reason for their love. They were the biggest support for each other in the real times of distress. When there is love, all the sickness is cared with love and nothing becomes a difficulty. All the distresses vanishes when the support comes from the person you and loves blooms in a way you couldn’t imagineJ

dearest achacha, ammama and me on my naming ceremony

In fact my grandma still holds him close to her heart. On one of my visits to India, I asked her whether I could have a look at her recipe book in which she compiled grandpa's favourite recipes. She went  to her little safe and fished out the book for me. I browsed for a while and casually kept the book aside hoping she would offer it to me. After a while she says “if you have finished it, let me keep it back in my safe “despite the fact she has not cooked in years…Cheeky AmmamaJ